The Real Fake Things

by The Falsies

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1.
John Lonely 04:23
John Lonely Ol’ John Lonely‘s lost his mind Ol’ John Lonely’s goin’ blind ten hours in the bathroom now it’s in his left hand ooooo John Lonely ooooo John Lonely Now John Lonely’s in the street There’s something danglin’ near his feet it trips him up and the townsfolk laugh “That’s O.K! I’m gonna get ya’ll back!” ooooo John Lonely ooooo John Lonely Ol’ John Lonely‘s on the prowl we hear he’s lookin’ for a cow well hot damn can you blame the man he’s so well endowed ooooo John Lonely ooooo John Lonely I better scramble up a tree I hear John Lonely’s after me better hurry up I can’t take my time I think I hear him comin’ from behind ooooo John Lonely ooooo John Lonely
2.
Ten Ton Cheese Who hath prophetic vision sees In future time a ten ton cheese Several companies would join To furnish curd for great combine, More honor far than making gun Of mighty size and many a ton! Well, we have seen thee, queen of cheese, lying quietly at your ease, gently fanned by evening breeze, thy fair form no flies dare seize! TEN TON CHEESE! Cows numerous as swarms of bees, Or as the leaves upon the trees, It did require to make thee please, And stand unrivaled queen of cheese. TEN TON CHEESE! Of the youth beware of these, For some of them might rudely squeeze And bite your cheek, then songs or glees We could not sing, oh! queen of cheese. TEN TON CHEESE! (Guitar solo) (Drum solo) So British lands could confederate Three hundred provinces in one state, When all in harmony agrees To be pressed in one like this cheese, Then one skillful hand could acquire Power to move British empire! We’rt thou suspended from balloon, You’d cast a shade even at noon, Folks would think it was the moon About to fall and crush them soon. TEN TON CHEESE! Chorus x2 Oooweooweooooweoooo TEN TON CHEESE! Chorus x2 Compiled from “Ode on the Mammoth Cheese” and “Prophesy of a Ten Ton Cheese” by James McIntyre (1827-1906)
3.
Get your concepts off my raw fish! Who do you think you are? Some Brechtian Rock star? Kareem Abdul Jabar In a compact car? Get your concepts off my raw fish! Ham fisted guitarist Faux film noirist Semi-pro con-artist Narcissistic Farcist! Get your concepts off my raw fish! You really piss us off The way you sulk and scoff Stay away from me I wanna be happy! You think you’re so fucking smart All head and no heart Check this graphic chart Stick to math not art!
4.
Irate Sally 03:18
Irate Sally irate sally with a gun in her hand blew through the head of her two timin' man sam said this sure wasn't in my plan she just whacked me and she sacked me in the back of my van the supersonic message sender spit out the point and split his apparatus like a dove-tail joint went rippin through sally's bridal magazines starting a paper mache' bouquet for her dead dream cock-sure excuses float away with the smoke sally stands there thinking of her own private, private joke laughing then leavin' and singing out loud a victory song that would make her momma proud sally takes sammy's visa - gets a cash advance and buys sam a mocking pair of crotchless pants and a one-way for a red-eye down to mexico she calls sam up before it's time to go sings him a message on his failing machine he's got a fucked up version of "my ding-a-ling"
5.
Rock n Roll will steal your soul It hits you deep down below Rock n Roll will steal your soul We’re takin’ you down, down below Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ballman, Bollocks, Buttocks, Swinger Give this world the evil finger Hallman, Hallocks, Swaine, Swanger In this world there is a danger Todd, Tisdale, Waterhouse, Weeks It sure is hot in here! A new watch on his arm so he can tell the time so he can plan ahead waste no time what you want is all around Rock n Roll will steal your soul It hits you deep down below Rock n Roll will steal your soul We’re takin’ you down, down below Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
6.
Fuck 04:23
FUCK Fuck you fuckingly you fucking fucks I’m wanna fuck you mother-fuckers ‘till I’m all fucked up Gonna fuck you high, fuck you low Fuck you fucking fast and fuck you slow I wanna fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck! I’m a lover and a fighter I do both at once Lovetaps on the ass when I’m lickin’ you cunts When other fellas sit drinkin’ and smokin’ their blunts I wanna F. U. C. K. fucking fuck! I wanna fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck! I’m gonna fuck up, fuck with, fuck on and on Fuck until the mother-fucking break of dawn Gonna fuck you far and fuck you wide I’ll take you on a mother-fucking fucking ride! I wanna fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck! Who wants to fuck? We want to fuck!
7.
8.

about

recorded live in the studio only three months after the start of the band

credits

released October 21, 2011

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all rights reserved

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about

The Falsies Charlottesville, Virginia

How do we rock thee? Let us count the ways.
We rock thee to the depth and breadth & height
Our amps can reach, when feeding back all night
In our long sets, & with our lack of breaks.
We rock thee to the decibel of every stage's
Most violent need, by PA & strobing light.
We rock thee freely, as we scream in mics;
We rock thee purely, as we turn a phrase.
We rock thee...
... more

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